Four Tips To Stop Being a People Pleaser!
So in my last blog post, I discussed the topic of being a people pleaser, and how hard it can be to overcome such a character trait.
I'm not going to lie, it was so hard to figure out how me and you can avoid this habit because for many of us, we’ve had this trait for a long time.
But luckily, I came up with 4 ways that you and I can avoid being a people pleaser!
Stop Overthinking
Oftentimes, the main reason why people can develop into being people pleasers is due to overthinking about a situation. Overthinking is quite common within people. We can overthink about how we interacted with something or someone, while thinking thoughts such as,
“I think they must be upset with me, they didn’t say anything when I responded to their question,”
“Do they not like me? They usually do (insert A, B, C). But today they didn’t do anything,”
“I hope they liked my project. Did I do too much or little?”
These types of thoughts could create a certain doubt within us. Then, all we could do is try to make sure they like or approve of us and our actions. Overthinking constantly can lead to you becoming a people pleaser, as you want to make sure everyone is comfortable with you constantly. And then, when we feel like we may have messed up, we beat ourselves up. Overthinking is the base of all this.
So, how can we try to fix this?
Whenever any of us are about to over think, we can instead focus on the good that we’ve done and change our doubtful thoughts into kind thoughts.
For an example, instead of thinking,
“I think they must be upset with me, they didn’t say anything when I responded to their question,”
We could instead try thinking,
“Maybe they understood what I said and didn't need to ask for more help. I’m glad I was able to help them!”
Instead of thinking,
“I hope they liked my project. Did I do too much or little?”
We could instead try thinking,
“I gave it my all. And if they don’t approve, that doesn’t diminish my value. I am a strong, beautiful, and intelligent person, and as long as I keep telling myself that, there’s nothing someone could say or do to tear me down,”
I hope you can try this to conquer your overthinking! I know it’s hard to change that mindset right away. But as long as we step a foot towards that direction, we can eventually conquer this unfortunate habit once and for all.
2. Don’t Worry About What Other People Think, “Just Do What Makes You Happy,”
As I’ve mentioned in my previous post, the most common response I got from most of my friends who are more self assured is that I should focus on what makes me happy, and not care about what other people think. The more we think about how we are perceived by others, the more depressed we can be about the possibility that they may not like us. So we try to do what we can to make them like us, which can be draining if done constantly over and over.
Ladies and Gentlemen, we only live one life. That life belongs to each and every one of us. We are all special and unique individuals, and we all deserve to honor that. We need to be proud of who we are. We need to enjoy our lives in a way that makes us happy within ourselves. We should not live our lives to please others, but rather ourselves. The more we engrain this thinking into our head, the less we care about how others perceive us, and our self esteem goes up.
Ignore what others say about you. Block all those negative words, because if you know you didn't do anything wrong, then you didn’t. Uplift yourself with positive thinking skills such as the ones I stated above.
3. Leave Toxic Company Behind
Sometimes, people can develop into becoming a people pleaser by being around company that makes them feel unwanted and unwelcome. I know from first hand that allowing yourself to be around people who don't make you feel good enough can either cause you to develop self doubt (which could allow you to develop a need to please them for their approval) or you could bubble up your anger until you explode.
You deserve so much better than to allow yourself to be around that kind of negative energy. The best thing that you should do is let them go.
For me, leaving toxic people behind was the best thing I could for my mental health. They would constantly make me feel like I wasn’t a good friend, and that I’m not good enough for them. But I kept begging them to stay, because of our long and close history together.
All that time, for me to constantly feel like I wasn’t good enough for them, that they didn’t need me or want me around them. All the confusion and sadness that I had with those people was not worth it for me to stick with them that long, especially because I found out they didn’t want anything to do with me in the first place.
Now that I no longer associate myself with that person, I am able to focus on myself and my own energy, and not spend so much time walking on eggshells around people that make me feel like I am not worth anything.
I know that I am worth better than that, and you are too!
Of course, there are certain times where you have no choice but to be around certain toxic people such as schools, jobs, and even your own family.
What I do in those situations is that I try to tune them out. I try to ignore them. I try to block their voices with self affirming thoughts in my head saying things such as,
“That is absolute bull. I know that I am (positive trait). Their opinions of me does not diminish me as a person. I know my character, I know who I am. They don’t know anything,”
“I am amazing, I am smart, I am attractive, I am the best person that I can be. I could care less what they think about me,”
This can be hard for many to do consistently, including myself. But if we try to tune out those negative voices, with self affirming thoughts as often as we can, we develop a sense of confidence within ourselves, making us feel greater than what they say about us.
4. Develop Self Love
I guarantee you that this is a big part of ending your trait as a people pleaser. People pleasing can stem from not loving and taking care of yourself. By allowing yourself to not love who you are, you might be making yourself feel as if you don’t deserve good treatment and good love that you deserve. And then that can cause you to people please, desiring for others to give you the validation and acceptance that you are not able to give to yourself.
Loving yourself will allow you to not need constant validation from others. It will help you find your own confidence and your own self acceptance.
So you may be asking me, “How do I develop self love Nasrina?”
In my next blog post on Thursday (new posts will now start occurring every Thursday at 7:00 CST), I will dive more into this topic!
I am really passionate when comes to helping others develop self love and self care within themselves and I can’t wait to share that with you all!
So until next time!
xoxo
—nasrina ali
